MY KENYAN CHRISTMAS

My Christmas has always been celebrated in Nairobi, always and with my family: -

Christmas 2013

Christmas 2014

2015... uploading!!!

LONGONOT: THE SECRET TO CONQUERING THIS MOUNTAIN

When an opportunity presented itself to climb Mt. Longonot, I jumped at it with both hips. You see recently I found myself at 55kgs. While that is not overweight, I needed to drop some fat around my hips. I know most women love round Vera Sidika hips and the bigger the better, I prefer mine a bit round but not as big. Well, why not go for a hike, I love hiking and the more challenging the hill is the better for me (that is Everest is not my list, never will be). Before that I had only done Ngong and Kilima Mbogo, so I decided why not try Longonot. I was scared, would I be able to climb the mountain or would I encounter difficulties, I was so scared but also excited.

Operation: hips must go!


I was sent the following instructions by Yolo Adventures on what to carry: -
• Additional water (a minimum of 3 litres) (Number one)

• Camera (it was beautiful)


• Sun screen

My sun screen face



• a wide brimmed hat or cap, plus your sweater, it gets chilly and cold



• Good pair of hiking boots with woolen socks

Not a good pair


This is much better; the shoes



• Walking stick, an adjustable sprung loaded stick is best



• Rucksack, large enough to carry your packed lunch, water and litter with you

This bag was too small, the guide carried my lunch for me



• some snacks/energy bars to keep you going and enough to share with our guides (Number one on my list)


• Flash light or head lamp (what for)


• Rain gear/ponchos (Now where do you buy this, never mind why bother)


• Government issued ID (it just happened to be in my bag).


• A spirit of adventure (Number one on my list as well)


The lessons that I learnt were tremendous, and yes I am going to share it with you: -
1. Style you hair appropriately when climbing a mountain

At some point I wanted my hair off my head by any means possible



2. Do not ignore instructions, the sun shining and me climbing a mountain was torturous. Its like that story when I was young about the sun and the wind and how they one day decided to hold a competition to see who would make a man wearing a coat take it out. This time it was just the sun, it wanted to test my endurance as it shone brightly on my forehead. At some of those hills around the rim, I crawled literally. It took every single ounce of energy and a lot of determination and talking to myself to finish the hike but the results are rewarding.



3. If you cannot walk, crawl


4. There are bigger badder (no such word) mountains and I am coming for them.


5. I really need to invest in proper hiking gear



Every time I climb a mountain I see enough women poorly dressed, some in dresses (I guess they are going up for prayers), other in heels (I guess they are going up for prayers as well), tight jeans, a single bottle of water, five small kids in tow, a hand bag etc. It is hard to believe that these people are seriously considering going up a mountain like that but I guess there are dare devils. That said if this is you, stay away from hikes, this is not your activity.

Some of the reasons to hike Mt. Longonot would be: -
• To challenge yourself
• It’s better than watching TV all weekend
• To lose some weight around your hips (where else would anyone want to lose weight)
• To enjoy the scenery (nature is beautiful).
• If you get to peak you can scream your heart out

I did it!



Whatever you reason, just do it!

FOURTEENS FALLS: CARRY A BROOM WITH YOU

The fourteen falls are situated about 65km from Nairobi. The area though a bit dry is very picturesque and the ideal for an out of town and back home trip if you live in Nairobi or other surrounding areas, the falls are managed by the Kiambu County government (to the detriment of the falls) and are 4km from Kilima Mbogo, that beautiful looking hill. The charges are 100 for Kenyan citizens. Some of the activities you can do include: - 1. Nyama choma plot 2. Crossing the waterfalls 3. Taking as many photos as possible 4. Come up with ways of making this waterfall clean Now fourteen falls is a classic example of what pollution has done to the environment, given that the waterfalls are really polluted, the minute you get to the fourteen falls, you cannot help but wonder where are all these people that make noise about the environment are. This would be a worthy cause. 5. Boat ride 6. A bit of rock climbing , just incase you need place to sleep later on. Be careful when rock climbing, some of the people around the fall use the rocks as a toilet. That was the worst sight of this trip. 7. Romantic picnic, not of the rocks unless your stomach can withstand the the stench and behold the sight. 8. Watching the local guides dive 9. Enjoy the sites

Malindi; That first day, what you should do and never do

After that long journey by bus, you are finally in Malindi and you are wondering what do I do? Hakuna matata, here’s a comprehensive guide to a successful first day in Malindi: - 1. Get a hotel with a swimming pool, do not worry hotels in Malindi are pretty cheap, with one thousand or less you can get a pretty decent place, one where people will not mistake you for an overdressed commercial sex worker. That is possible you know in Malindi, you got to know that. A swimming pool is a must because the weather never gets cold and so the water is always warm. 2. Go to the beach and take pictures of the funny signs in Italian and Swahili, this is definitely little Italia, minus all the illegal immigrants, add a beach boy/ masseuse/guide/ cook/male commercial sex worker (they claim to be very good at what they do and it’s not selling sea shells at the sea shore, unless there are no sex tourists) and you have an awesome photo opp. 3. Walk around the beach and realise that it’s not as crowded as the beaches in Mombasa, realise it’s an opportunity to relax, do nothing and have fun, forget about sex tourism and drugs. If any person tries to talk to you, slap them, you are on a holiday no need for emotional attachment. That is what took you to Malindi in the first place. 4. Draw a love heart in the sand, it might be the only genuine ‘heart’ you get in life, life’s a beach, play with the sand. 5. Play with the waves and water, like you do not have care in the world, whilst imagining the romantic scenes you see in the movie. 6. Then remember to have nice relaxing shower in your hotel room to remove all the sand in your hair. It probably will not come off until couple of weeks later but playing with the sand is a must. Make weird faces and takes selfies. Now there are people who must stay away from Malindi at all costs: - 1. The ‘you must dress decently’ in Malindi, please do not bother; otherwise you might end condemning every single person you meet on the way. Beside the thought of wearing all those clothes is extreme heat and humidity is enough to put someone like you off. 2. The ‘you should not date people from other races’ kind of people. In Malindi the girl in front of you is probably married to an old, really old Italian dude, did I say really old, I meant ‘ancient of days’ dude whose probably in the same league as father Abraham, when children sing father Abraham and he is around, they probably assume its him, the girl behind you is either dating one, or is being kept by one, or is desperately trying to get one. Even the men are trying to get their wives, sisters or daughter’s hooked up to one. So at night when you see a commercial sex worker half naked, remember they are not doing it for you dear Kenyan, you might must be collateral damage. Maybe they should open a shop where you can buy old Italian dudes at a bargain, oh wait! Most bars already serve as brothels, what I am thinking? P/s ladies, Malindi is not the place to meet men, white, African, or whatever, they might only be mistaking you for an overly dressed commercial sex worker. Also never fall for a beach boy, unless you are in the business of taking care financially of an overgrown man child with drug issues and no sense of direction, the only thing this boy is going to know is that you are his ‘mommy.’

Travelling to Mombasa by bus; why I am never using Coast Air Buses ever again

When I travelled to Mombasa last week, I did so by bus, I had booked Coast Air. I have never travelled by bus to Mombasa, hold up, I have not travelled to Mombasa by air as well, just by a fourteen seater by driver who I think drinks every night, when he was overtaking my heart always started to race. Well, I was scared because of Al shabaab (unfounded, I know), then the numerous trucks and trailers on the road which would become my main fear by the way. Well, I knew from my younger brother that there was no waiting room at Coast air, yet I had paid Kshs. 1600 for comfort, ultimate comfort, but I was really disappointed, at the very last minute I was informed the vehicle had broken down, so I was downgraded to something I did not want (if I wanted it I would have booked earlier). Here I was looking at all the buses lining up, waiting for the ultimate bus I had booked, it was supposed to have WIFI, charging ports, washroom facilities, snacks and some privacy, God knows I love privacy, I got downgraded at the very last minute. I was waiting for some grand bus, but I was super disappointed. So, here I was travelling by bus, not that it was bad, but this bus company conduct no security checks at all. Maybe this is because I am used to Easy Coach and the fact that they check luggage and people boarding the bus, but there were no checks at all. Everyone simply got in without being checked, me included. I guess that made my fears worse. What really made me annoyed is that they conducted the checks on the bus behind us. The journey was not half as bad, I managed some peace until I asked the man next to me where we were and then he went on talking for hours, it included how he loved his wife and even if he was to cheat on her, he would always go back to her. All I heard was, I have cheated on my wife before but she is the foolish one who will never leave me, despite me exposing her to HIV and all… ahhhhhhhh love in the 21st Century is a strange thing. It ended with him asking me if I wanted to have drinks with him later in the evening if I was in Mombasa. So in other words he was asking me to the other woman strictly, all the terms and conditions had been laid out before. Then after the journey, I had to listen to my friends, describe all the other luxury buses that were available and how amazing they were and all I could think of ‘why didn’t I know about them.’ Anyway the only reason I will not be using Coast Air again, is that they did not keep their end of the bargain, if you are going to change buses make sure it close to what I wanted as a customer, secondly, conduct security checks, such a simple check can really save lives in the long run. I think they knew the bus was not available the whole day but they waited until the last minute because then I would have no choice but to travel with them. Thirdly, invest in a waiting room, the reason I like Easy Coach is they have a spacious waiting room, when you arrive at 3am you can always sleep the early hours away and go home when you feel safe. I think next time; I would rather explore other options, now I know that I have other better choices in short I am NEVER using Coast Air again.

Nairobi Street Foods: the ultimate test to know who grew up in Nairobi

If you did not have all of these street foods that are so popular in Nairobi, then you are not a Nairobian and you did not grow up in Nairobi. They are: -

1.     Chips za five bob: - if you have not had chips za five bob, you have no idea what a foodgasm is. The chips come covered in thick red tomato sauce, which is only available at these chip vendors. These chips are amazing!!! Yes the oil was darker than the darkest night of the year, maybe that is why they were sweet. And for five bob you got a nice serving to get you home from school.

2.     Roasted Maize with pili pili ndimu; - this is my guilty pleasure. If I was on death row, this would be last request, on my death bed I would request mai choma with ndimu and pili pili. Growing up in Nairobi we had mai choma for 1 bob, how tough the economic times have become. 

Maize choma with pili pili

3.     Boiled eggs and kachumbari, I have had so much of mayai boiro, I do not like them any more. When I started working I would have two of these daily. So now I am off boiled eggs.

4.     Smokie with kachumbari

5.     Bhajia za bob

6.     Maembe pili pili, I still cannot resist this. Back in the day for one shilling, you got to mangoes with pili pili, and there say there is no heaven. I am a believer.

7.     Samosa'

8.  Ice ya bob, every single day my parents gave me five shillings and ice was one of the things I spent it on.

9. Mutura; - who has not had mutura, especially the one made in Nairobi with meat from God knows what animal, but we don't care what animal makes mutura all we care is how tasty it is. The best way to eat mutura is at the source, where it is being cooked, and the number one rule for eating mutura is 'thou shalt not wash thy hands.' It is way tastier that way. Though if your stomach is weak, please do not try this in Nairobi, one of your body parts will run and it will not be your legs.

10. These fruits (mapera), my younger brother and I used to climb over fences just to get one of these babies. It did not matter if that compound had fierce dogs, there was no stopping us. I still love these and I can eat like 20 of these in one sitting.

11. Sugarcane

12.  And lastly Mahindi chemsha, just looking at the picture and I am salivating. I work in a rural area but they do not sell this like they do in Nairobi. I love it when its soft and fresh with lots and lots of salt.

These street foods make Nairobi worth living. They make Nairobi different, they make Nairobi, Nairobi. They may have all these foods elsewhere in Kenya, but they do not make them as they do in Nairobi.

With 10 shillings, as a child growing up in Nairobi I got my junk and that made me one happy child.


photos from the internet.