Malindi; That first day, what you should do and never do

After that long journey by bus, you are finally in Malindi and you are wondering what do I do? Hakuna matata, here’s a comprehensive guide to a successful first day in Malindi: - 1. Get a hotel with a swimming pool, do not worry hotels in Malindi are pretty cheap, with one thousand or less you can get a pretty decent place, one where people will not mistake you for an overdressed commercial sex worker. That is possible you know in Malindi, you got to know that. A swimming pool is a must because the weather never gets cold and so the water is always warm. 2. Go to the beach and take pictures of the funny signs in Italian and Swahili, this is definitely little Italia, minus all the illegal immigrants, add a beach boy/ masseuse/guide/ cook/male commercial sex worker (they claim to be very good at what they do and it’s not selling sea shells at the sea shore, unless there are no sex tourists) and you have an awesome photo opp. 3. Walk around the beach and realise that it’s not as crowded as the beaches in Mombasa, realise it’s an opportunity to relax, do nothing and have fun, forget about sex tourism and drugs. If any person tries to talk to you, slap them, you are on a holiday no need for emotional attachment. That is what took you to Malindi in the first place. 4. Draw a love heart in the sand, it might be the only genuine ‘heart’ you get in life, life’s a beach, play with the sand. 5. Play with the waves and water, like you do not have care in the world, whilst imagining the romantic scenes you see in the movie. 6. Then remember to have nice relaxing shower in your hotel room to remove all the sand in your hair. It probably will not come off until couple of weeks later but playing with the sand is a must. Make weird faces and takes selfies. Now there are people who must stay away from Malindi at all costs: - 1. The ‘you must dress decently’ in Malindi, please do not bother; otherwise you might end condemning every single person you meet on the way. Beside the thought of wearing all those clothes is extreme heat and humidity is enough to put someone like you off. 2. The ‘you should not date people from other races’ kind of people. In Malindi the girl in front of you is probably married to an old, really old Italian dude, did I say really old, I meant ‘ancient of days’ dude whose probably in the same league as father Abraham, when children sing father Abraham and he is around, they probably assume its him, the girl behind you is either dating one, or is being kept by one, or is desperately trying to get one. Even the men are trying to get their wives, sisters or daughter’s hooked up to one. So at night when you see a commercial sex worker half naked, remember they are not doing it for you dear Kenyan, you might must be collateral damage. Maybe they should open a shop where you can buy old Italian dudes at a bargain, oh wait! Most bars already serve as brothels, what I am thinking? P/s ladies, Malindi is not the place to meet men, white, African, or whatever, they might only be mistaking you for an overly dressed commercial sex worker. Also never fall for a beach boy, unless you are in the business of taking care financially of an overgrown man child with drug issues and no sense of direction, the only thing this boy is going to know is that you are his ‘mommy.’

Travelling to Mombasa by bus; why I am never using Coast Air Buses ever again

When I travelled to Mombasa last week, I did so by bus, I had booked Coast Air. I have never travelled by bus to Mombasa, hold up, I have not travelled to Mombasa by air as well, just by a fourteen seater by driver who I think drinks every night, when he was overtaking my heart always started to race. Well, I was scared because of Al shabaab (unfounded, I know), then the numerous trucks and trailers on the road which would become my main fear by the way. Well, I knew from my younger brother that there was no waiting room at Coast air, yet I had paid Kshs. 1600 for comfort, ultimate comfort, but I was really disappointed, at the very last minute I was informed the vehicle had broken down, so I was downgraded to something I did not want (if I wanted it I would have booked earlier). Here I was looking at all the buses lining up, waiting for the ultimate bus I had booked, it was supposed to have WIFI, charging ports, washroom facilities, snacks and some privacy, God knows I love privacy, I got downgraded at the very last minute. I was waiting for some grand bus, but I was super disappointed. So, here I was travelling by bus, not that it was bad, but this bus company conduct no security checks at all. Maybe this is because I am used to Easy Coach and the fact that they check luggage and people boarding the bus, but there were no checks at all. Everyone simply got in without being checked, me included. I guess that made my fears worse. What really made me annoyed is that they conducted the checks on the bus behind us. The journey was not half as bad, I managed some peace until I asked the man next to me where we were and then he went on talking for hours, it included how he loved his wife and even if he was to cheat on her, he would always go back to her. All I heard was, I have cheated on my wife before but she is the foolish one who will never leave me, despite me exposing her to HIV and all… ahhhhhhhh love in the 21st Century is a strange thing. It ended with him asking me if I wanted to have drinks with him later in the evening if I was in Mombasa. So in other words he was asking me to the other woman strictly, all the terms and conditions had been laid out before. Then after the journey, I had to listen to my friends, describe all the other luxury buses that were available and how amazing they were and all I could think of ‘why didn’t I know about them.’ Anyway the only reason I will not be using Coast Air again, is that they did not keep their end of the bargain, if you are going to change buses make sure it close to what I wanted as a customer, secondly, conduct security checks, such a simple check can really save lives in the long run. I think they knew the bus was not available the whole day but they waited until the last minute because then I would have no choice but to travel with them. Thirdly, invest in a waiting room, the reason I like Easy Coach is they have a spacious waiting room, when you arrive at 3am you can always sleep the early hours away and go home when you feel safe. I think next time; I would rather explore other options, now I know that I have other better choices in short I am NEVER using Coast Air again.